Saturday, May 23, 2009
I found myself overcome with panic. I pushed the zipper to my sleeping bag open, sat up, and then fought the urge to rip the tent door open and bust my way out into the bitter cold night. I told myself over and over again that I could breath. Here I was 37 weeks pregnant, sleeping in a tent, and dreading the long night that lay ahead of me. For some strange reason I freak out while sleeping in a tent. I get claustrophobic and feel like the walls and roof will shrink around me cutting off my air supply. When we first got married we had a tiny two man tent. It was so small that I could only sit up in it. I went camping when I was pregnant with my first baby. It was just my husband and me and we found a spot outside Pocatello, Idaho to set up our tent and roast hot dogs. While we were sitting around the fire an ember burst forth from the flames and landed on my round tummy, burning a small hole in my maternity shirt. (It wasn't really my shirt, I borrowed it from my sister.) I feel bad borrowing anything from anybody knowing fair well that I could ruin or destroy it while it is in my hands. She still loves me though and let me borrow her maternity clothes again. This same sister has panic attacks when we go caving. One time she had to turn around and sit outside while we all went exploring because she thought she wouldn't be able to breath in that dark, confined space. I just wish this didn't happen to me. The feeling that I can't breathe in a tent. How ridiculous is that? It really ruins my camping experiences. I picked out our current tent. It is 10' X 12' and sleeps six. It is so big that I can stand up in it without hitting my head and so big that no heat stays inside. I thought if I bought a tent the size of my bedroom it would ease my phobia, but apparently, that trick did not work. The good thing is that when we go camping with our baby we will have enough room to set up a pack n play inside and still have enough room for comfort. I am very proud that I made it through the night without opening the door and sticking my head outside to breathe. I only went outside for my nightly bathroom run and that was NOT when I was panicking, I blame that on limited bladder space due to pregnancy.